Frustrations & doubts....

Well life of course often has a way of taking priority over ttwd...I need to just chill and not let disappointment prevent me from writing about it. Things have been great since our recommitment to stepping things up a bit with incorporating the DD plan on ADDS. We are communicating more with rewriting our rules and the maintenance spanking I got the other day was more intense then usual....he has added the hairbrush and paddle which of course I hate. We have a ways to go still in getting to the level it needs to be at as far as discipline or punishment. Most of my spankings are good girl ones ...which I of course love! Others which fall under maintenance/discipline often end up being more erotic then anything else. The times I have been punished were more emotionally painful then actually physically...although I would most definitely argue that when over his knee. So we I think need to maybe experiment with both our comfort levels when it comes to that. He is a gentle man and really struggles with hurting me...I'm grateful for that but if ttwd is going to work we need to step things up a bit.
Another thing that is really bugging me is being threatened with being spanked and it not happening! I know I know I'm far from being alone in this...but throw in my doubts on whether he is really committed to working this new plan....and my of course my own self doubts...and the fact we have been putting off our sit down discussion since Friday! OK this is just turning into a rant of sorts I can see.
I wanted to post something this morning...just to get it out. I know I need to take some initiative and just talk to him about this and I will write more later.
He has just told me a few minutes ago that he sent me an email I should read...off I go to read it....